example essay editied

      I never really had a family atmosphere growing up. I always wanted to find my dad and his side of the family and see if I could have a future with people that I love and that will love me. When I moved to Maine to be with my family I got more then I expected and it made me feel great. They helped in more ways then one. They helped me get a car, my own apartment, a job and also a chance to go to college. The major thing the added to my life was great self esteem and a sense of being loved which I had never had in my life. They made me part of the family.
      When I first came up to Maine I was a little worried of what to expect considering I went through hell growing up. When I got there I was surprised that most of my family was at the airport to great me and take me home. The one thing that stuck was when my grandma said that she was saying "The one thing I want before I die is to see Brandon ." My grandpa said "give that up we don't even know where he is." "Then two weeks later I got my wish and I get to give my grandson a hug again after over 10 years." That made me feel like the happiest person in the world at that moment.
      When I moved in with my dad witch was a dream come true. He started by helping me find a job and saying that I could go to college where he works for free because he gets a waver for his kids to go to school. He looked at me and said "You got the smarts to do anything you set your mind to and I want you to be able to go to school and get a good job. I don't want you to work like a dog the rest of your life trying to make a living off two or more jobs." I have never been told I can do anything I set my mind to. Also never had been giving to opportunity to do so. My dad gave me both of those in one swoop.
       I never had a relationship with my real mom growing up but My step mom has been more my mother then my real mom ever acted. She tells me what I need to hear not what I want. She told me if I want to be part of the family spend time with them get to know them. She said if its what you really want try or else we wont try. She has helped me learn to cook and also what to do on my own with budgeting money. Growing up and learning to be on my own. My step mom has always considered me her own kid and that is something that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
      When I think back to what I have been through and what I have always wanted. It make me appreciate that it made me a stronger person and that miraculous things do happen. My self esteem would have never gotten to where it is now and also I wouldn't have come out of my shell as much as I have if my family didn't find me. Its like One Republic Sang its going to be a good good life. I stay true to that.

reaction to timed essay

      To be honest i really liked the topic and didn't have to many problems. The main problem i had was putting myself into the topic, but when i figured it out it was smooth sailing from there. The time is where it was hard to edit spelling and get a good essay from the time without many mistakes. It was interesting to put myself with animals and finding a way to do so. When you replied it made me think i was becoming a better writing with organization and also information. I still think i have a long way to go to be the best i can be.

example intro

      I never really had a family atmosphere growing up. I always wanted to find my dad and his side of the family and see if i could have a future with people that i love and that will love me. When i moved to main to be with my family i got my then i expected and it made me feel great. They helped in more ways then one. They helped me get a car, my own apartment, a job and also a chance to go to college. The major thing the added to my life was great self esteem and a sense of being loved which i had never had in my life. They made me part of the family.

timmed essay contrast edited

      When I look at how I like to cuddle ,and be there for my friends it reminds me of a dog and its mans best friend nature. When I see one of my family members getting hurt, or a friend getting hurt that's when I turn to a lion and my protective side kicks in. There are times when I like being up at night and not during the day like a owl. Its pretty cool when I think about the wolf and how it's like a family and you don't want to mess with a wolfs family like you don't want to mess with mine.
     When I have a girl friend and I'm spending time with her, Like one of my x-girlfriends Jenna, we used to sit under trees, or on the couch and just cuddle. Also any time my friend needs cheering up and someone to be there for them I can sense it like when a dog senses you are upset. When one of my friends, Megan got hurt when her boyfriend broke up with her. I gave her a hug and talked to her for over five hours because I knew there was something wrong no matter how many times she said I'm fine. It's kind of weird when she said I remind her of her dog but it is also a good thing because she said it was her dog that always cheered her up and knew something was wrong.
      I remember when I was young the kids in my school would always pick on my brother, and call him names, and try to fight him. It was to the point where I would get mad and hit them if they started in on my brother. Then when my sister started school that's when it really kicked in my protective big brother jeans. My sister said I'm like a lion with her cubs not wanting them to get hurt or have anyone mess with them. Of course she said that after some guy named Jason pushed her to the ground and I pounced on him with a couple of right hooks because I didn't have paws to claw him.
      I don't know what it is about the day it seems so lame and boring because its like a constant SSDD (Same Shit Different Day).  Get up, get dressed, eat, go to work, and come home. Its nothing like the night when there seems to be more action in it. More parties, clubs, movies, and more people have time to hang out. Its like how an owl is more active during the night because it can hunt and see at night. In my opp ion I like the night better then I like the day.
      Its kind of funny I guess when you can make fun of me and give me a hard time and I don't get mad usually. It's when you start to bring my family into the insults that I get mad. You can toy and talk down to me all you want don't bring my family into the conversation. I'm like a wolf. Yes I will defend my self if need be. The truth of the matter is if you bring my family into it or attack them that's when my teeth show and I attack.
      When you think about personality and how people act I start to laugh because it can be compared to most animals. Weather it be anger like a baboon. Sneaky like a snake. Protective like a lion its funny when you think about how close we are to animals.

annotated source list

 "Dublin Accommodation Search Results, Ireland." Dublin Hostel: Book Dublin Hostels with HostelBookers.com. Hostelbookers.com, n.d. Web. 19 Oct. 2012. <http://www.hostelbookers.com/results/loc/dd/dst/1613/arr/2013-06-01/ngt/14/ppl/1/>.
Found out that it is cheaper to stay at a hostel then it is to stay at a hotel

"Dublin Accommodation Search Results, Ireland." Dublin Hostel: Book Dublin Hostels with HostelBookers.com. Hostelbookers.com, n.d. Web. 19 Oct. 2012. <http://www.hostelbookers.com/results/loc/dd/dst/1613/arr/2013-06-01/ngt/14/ppl/1/>.
This has a list and information on all types of tours escourted and to do by yourself

 "Alcohol: Problems and Solutions." Minimum Legal Drinking Ages around the World. N.p., n.d. Web. 19 Oct. 2012. <http://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/LegalDrinkingAge.html>.
Found this site and it says i can drink at age 18

Thi

Contrast essay rewritten

      Out of all of the people in my life there are two women that helped me shape my life today. That is my step mother and mother. They both were married to my dad and both have more then one kid. My mother was Mary Jane and my step mom Michele. Both women have helped me shape my life but beside them both being married to my dad and having kids. They are as different as night and day. Not only with looks but with personalities, habits, likes, dislikes, and anything you could possibly think of.
         My step mom Michele is very family oriented. She has a big issue on being a family. If you dont want to be part of it she wont try either. When i fist came up to maine and had my walls up in defence. She flat out said that she has done nothing wrong and if i want to be part of the family i need to try. She said what i needed to hear not what i wanted to hear. My mom Mary Jane only wants to be with you if it will benefit her. The only time she says family is when someone is hurt and will get her some attention. When I got into my car crash this year she called me when i was in the hospital but when i got out she didnt call or talk to me.Michele will help family and spend time with them and get to know them. Mary Jane on the other hand wants to know whats in your bank and what she can get. At lease i know why i want family.
      When it comes on work ethic My mom Michele is always working weather or not it is raising a kid or working at her job. When she is not at work and the kids she is reading or cleaning the house. Mary Jane is ass backwards she wants to do as less as she can and get paid for it. She pretty much got all of my money from my job and also always needed to borrow money and not pay it back.  That's why i work my hardest and i have to be working at all times i hate sitting still.
      Michele is one of those parent that wants their kids to do good in school and go to college so thay can better their selves. She doesnt want her kids to have to be struggling for money or looking for multiple jobs for the rest of their lifes.  Michele has told me i cn do what ever i set my mind to and said i have a chance to go to a college for free. Its a chance you need to take. Im trying to get into that college as we speak. Mary Jane is on the flip side of the coin. She really doesnt care about grades or what you do in you life. She always brags about what she has done in her life all of the things she has accomplished. If we do something good or decent she says "cool i did that too.". When it comes down to the want of bettering my education and getting a better job i dont think i get that from my real mom.
      When i used to visit Maine every summer she would always help me with all that i did and teach me how to do it also. My step mom Michele i consider my mom more then i do my real mom. She has been there for me and has tried to help me get better personality and learn how good it is to have a family. Mary Jane taught me how i dont want to end up being like lazy, unkind, and not wanting a family. When it comes to who i am today i am glad to have been able to learn from both of these women.

isearch progress

i have been finding a lot of sites for prices on flights and also staying at a hostel i found out would be cheaper then a hotel. There are lots of sites with recommendations on what to do but im still looking for the sites that will give me times and prices and what the tours involve. Found out that i can drink in Ireland. Trying to set up a interview with my friend so i can get some information. There are a lot of sites that just have the word Ireland and or Irish somewhere on the site that has nothing to do with my topic. Im still searching for all of the answers to my questions.

graff 2 contrast

      My step mom Michele is very family oriented. She has a big issue on being a family. If you dont want to be part of it she wont try either. My mom Mary Jane only wants to be with you if it will benefit her. The only time she says family is when someone is hurt and will get her some attention. Michele will help family and spend time with them and get to know them. Mary Jane on the other hand wants to know whats in your bank and what she can get. At lease i know why i want family.

contrast intros

                                                                               Intro 1
      Out of all of the people in my life there are two women that helped me shape my life today. That is my step mother and mother. They both were married to my dad and both have more then one kid. My mother was Mary Jane and my step mom Michele. Both women have helped me shape my life but beside them both being married to my dad and having kids. They are as different as night and day. Not only with looks but with personalities, habits, likes, dislikes, and anything you could possibly think of.




                                                                             Into 2
      The two main places i have lived in my life is Colorado and Maine, and are in a sense the same. Its home. There is friends and family and i have lived more then a year in both states. They have different culture and also different outlooks on life and what people do. it is as different as the city and country as it can be. Besides having cities, Friends, Family, Work, and me living there there are different as county is to pop music.

classification essay rewritten

     when i first walked into the dojo to see if i wanted to take the class. I noticed how people acted and i already could tell who to stay away from. There were the people who liked to practice on one side in a group. There were people who were talking and slacking in another. There were also people who thought they were to good to work with someone.  The teacher seemed to know what groups to keep an eye on. The Model student the one that never lets it go to his head, is humble, and wants to learn. Then there is the Doesnt care student. He is the one that comes to class for something to do and mess around and doesnt have passion for it. The last and the one i hate the most is the Ill Beat Anyone I Fight type. The one that thinks because he know martial arts he will never lose there is no one that can beat him.
      The one type of student i liked and didnt run into them much was the Model student. My friend Cam was a black belt in multiple martial arts. When he come and started to take my Judo class he wasnt all high and mighty and the first thing i remember him saying is "i want to start from the bottom and work my way up." also at a time in my life when i was tired of being bullied he would tell me that i need to practice my art form to take my mind off it, and it is a good way to relieve stress. He was always in class and never talked or disrupted class. He helped anyone he could. He asked questions no matter if they made him seem that he was slow. He put in more effort then most of the kids in the class. He was my ideal role model and i wanted to be able to be like him when it came to passion and being a martial artist.
      The type i seemed to run into a lot was the kids that were forced to take the class by parents that thought it would help them learn respect, self control, and become more positive. this was the I Don't Care student. They type that was being called out in class to be silent. Being made to do push ups. The perfect example was someone from my high school joey. One day he showed up late to class and didnt bow in or ask the sensi if he could come onto the mat. He walked right in with a messed up uniform and started to talk to one of his other friends. This is where my teacher said leave the class and dont come back. Im tired of having someone disrupt the others when they are trying to better themselves and also dealing with someone who doesn't even want to be here. The kid had the gual to say "finally was wondering when i could be done i hate doing things im forced to." it dumb founded me.
      If you think the last one was the worse in my opinion i would take ten of those guys over one of these guys. The I Beat Anyone I Fight type. I used to watch my friend when he was taking Karate to see if i wanted to take it also. The one kid i will never forget was James. He never failed to amaze me. One day i was watching class when a mew person was being introduced to the class. The person being introduced i knew because he also had three other black belts. The teacher asked who would like to have a sparring match with the new student. James said "I will easy win. hahahhahahaha!" thats when the new guy got serious. It was over in a flash. "Start" the teacher said and two kicks to the face as fast as i could see came from the new guy and hit James in the chin and James was out. What amazed me was not his attitude was the fact that he came back the next day and said "I let him win and i never lose when im trying."
   When im in class im there to learn so i get irritated when someone else interrupts or disrupts class. I tend to practice a lot more then everyone else and i like to learn all i can about the art form i am taking. I dont talk in class and i like to help anyone i can. I also ask a lot of questions no matter what it is.

outro classification

      Now i can tell a lot of martial artist are taking offence to what i put in to categories  Listen to me when i say if you can find a way to prove me wrong ill shut up. I have been in martial arts for so long, and  i have met so many people that they all have a category they fall into. A big chunk i ran into was the ones who think if they paint themselves green they are just like the hulk. The model student is doing it right in my opinion so through my years i have ran into mostly the people who have a swollen head.  To me and my years i havent found one person that does not fall into these categories.

reaction to comment

Well i think i will do the martial arts one due to the fact that i will be able to put myself into it more. I took martial arts for over for years a met someone that fell in all of those groups. Also i think it will make it better and more entertaining being able to tell some stories. My only problem is going to be finding a good hook.